PGA Primetime Wednesday! 12/30/09

- Chip and King make sure we know that the win was "impressive" and talk about all the new stars coming to PGA. They also mention the return of some old stars, and I sit up in my seat and start to take notice thinking it's going to be Crane or Salvador Serpiente or even the New Deal, but instead we send it to Larry Csonka, standing by with.... well...

- Csonka: [standing by] "Good evening everyone, right now it's my privelage to bring back a face we haven't seen in quite a while... he first joined the new PGA as part of B. Armstrong Ruby's World Talent Initiative back in February. He is the highest paid Panamanian star in the HISTORY of the PGA! He is none other than "The One Man Tag Team," Whoomp Del Rio!"

And sure enough, Whoomp Del Rio is there with Larry, looking as though he may have had some sort of reconstructive surgery since the last time we saw him. He's looking pretty svelt in his billowing Hawaiian t-shirt. Do they wear Hawaiian shirts in Panama?

Whoomp: [in a thick accent] "Good to be back, Larry."

Csonka: "Now, the One Man Tag Team is no stranger to the Pro Graps Association."

We cut to a video of archive footage from house shows, where Whoomp was competing for the PGA in 2008 (wow). We get clips from I think three different squash matches, before cutting to Whoomp being interviewed by an unsoiled Pru (they've got to have a Pru DVD coming out with all this archival footage they've been showing). A few flirtations into it, Lester Balaam Jackson debuts, brutally assaulting him in black and white.

Csonka: "How have you been since then, Whoomp?"

Whoomp: "Well you know something Lair, that was a traumatic day for me, and a tragic day for the great nation of Panama. My beautiful face was destroyed by that no good redneck and since that time, no new modeling contracts have come in for Whoomp Del Rio. But I spent my time convalescing, my scar’s have healed, and the best doctors in the world have made sure that Whoomp Del Rio is still not only the highest paid Panamanian in Pro Graps history, but also the sexiest, ha ha."

Csonka: "That certainly appears to be the case, Whoomp." [points microphone]

Whoomp: "And you know what else Lar, Whoomp Del Rio came to this company in 2008, and I had my troubles, I had my problems. I only competed in a few matches you know? I came back in the new PGA, ready to show off my amazing natural skills and what do I get? Some perdedor from the hills sucker punching me and trying to maim my beautiful face, my meal ticket! Well Lester Jackson, you’ve got hell coming to you amigo. You will get yours. But not just yet. Before I take care of that lunatic I want to start the career in PGA I have not yet had. I want titles. I want pay-per-view payoffs. I want to wrestle on the world's biggest stage for the number one wrestling organization around, the PGA. So Brian Genius you better watch out! King Falcon, I'm gunning for you! And the women of the XX-Division, ha ha, you know Whoomp Del Rio is coming for you."

Whoomp slides his glasses down to the tip of his nose, winks at the camera, and Rocky Maivia walks his way off screen. Csonka stands there staring off into the distance for an awkward moment, meaning that he's either blown away by what he's just heard, he has a crush on Whoomp Del freaking Rio, or this segment was originally written for Marisol and they just didn't remember to change it. And that Larry is a trooper.